My story is about my mum first approaching me about being gay when I was 14. I was borrowing my mum's phone to use because mine had broken and I couldn't afford to buy a new one at that stage.
Being a small town kid, I didn't really know any queer people so I had a few online, queer friends. One night, I was messaging one of said friends and he jokingly sent me a picture of Channing Tatum... naked. Haha very funny I thought and deleted it off the social media platform I was using. Oh what a fool I was!
A couple of days later, on an unknowingly daunting Thursday night, my mum came home from her evening out playing pool. Being a typical teenage insomniac, I was still awake so went out of my room to ask her how her night was. After a couple of minutes of idle chit-chat, mum brought up something unexpected that happened during her night. She had been showing one of her pool friends some pictures of the deck my oldest brother was building for my parents off the back of their office. She said she came across something and wondered if I knew where it had come from.
Who was gracing my mother's phone screen that she showed me? None other than stark naked Channing Tatum himself! I told her maybe it was a virus from a game I downloaded on her phone (the best lie I could come up with on the spot). Then she said with a smirk, in the sassiest, most knowing voice I have ever heard "Oh that's fine then. I just thought maybe my GAY son may have known something about the naked man on my phone." Then she walks into the lounge, sits down in a chair and starts sipping her cup of coffee. After a minute or two of pulling myself together, I went and sat with her and we talked and laughed about the whole thing. I think she was the third person I ever came out to?
I told her maybe it was a virus from a game I downloaded on her phone (the best lie I could come up with on the spot).
My take home message from this story is, don't let queer people be a taboo topic in your household. If you haven't come out to your parents yet, there may be a high chance they either already know, of have a feeling. It changes who you are as a person keeping such a large part of your life secret. Talk to them and get an idea about how they feel towards queer people. If it is a sensitive subject with them, it's okay to try to persuade them to see some sense. Even before you come out to them, get them to see that it's not just fine, but perfectly normal to have a child that's part of the rainbow community. Take anything offensive they may say with a grain of salt. Many of our parents come from an older generation where queer people were simply not talked about in social and family settings. Be patient with your parents as they may not be trying to be offensive, they may just not know any better.
If you’re concerned about how one parent in particular will react, tell the parent you feel safest with first. Get them to help you convince the other parent it's completely okay. Remember that it will take time for your parents to adjust their mental representation of yourself in their minds. It took my dad months to stop telling me not to harass girls at parties after I came out to him.
This may not work with every family of course. Also remember your safety. If it is genuinely too difficult or possibly dangerous to come out to your parents, you don’t have to. There could be a favourite aunt or uncle, cousin, or even sibling you could confide in if you feel you need to. You could even recruit them to help with telling your parents. Your family should accept you and love you for who you are, rainbows and all.
